This is a very raw, personal post for me. These five things may be no big deal to some, for others it could be eye-opening. Nonetheless, I wanted to tell you more about me.
1.This isn’t my first go around with anxiety.
I mentioned this briefly in another post but I want to get down to the nitty-gritty. Notice I didn’t say that I suffer from anxiety. I don’t consider myself as suffering. In fact, anxiety can be hidden in many ways. I don’t have panic attacks like I have in the past. I have figured out my triggers so I can control my anxiety instead of the other way around. This is one of the most important things for me. Years ago when I first went through a battle of anxiety, it took over. It truly was a battle and anxiety was winning. There were many reasons for my anxiety then but because of it I came to know God. I thank Him everyday for his timing and grace because without either of those I would not have gotten through it before nor would I have been able to ween myself off of my medication against my doctor’s orders.
2.I am an emotional eater.
Honestly, the only time I’m not stuffing my face is when I’m happy and hubby is around. I was getting better with my eating and lost weight but of course life happens and I let it get the best of me. I started grieving and anxiety kicked back in. I was and sometimes still feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster. It feels uncontrollable even though I know it’s just a mind game. What makes it even worse is how I feel after eating a ton of junk I know I don’t need or even want.
This is a big one for me because I used to never judge myself. I was happy being me whether I just ate fifteen Oreos or not. Now, that’s definitely not the case. Getting in a bathing suit makes me cringe. Shopping makes me want to cry and if you’re a female you understand why. I hate looking at myself in the mirror and I refuse to get on the scale. I can’t be that person that blames society completely; society does not force me to be self-conscious. However, society doesn’t help with all the “this is what you should look like and dress like” things they throw out into the media. Manufacturers surely don’t help either when you’re in between a size 6 and a size 12 because of all the different measurements of your body. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the numbers make me self-conscious. That’s why I also blame it on myself. I got myself here thanks to number 2 on this list. But I also know I can get myself away from this.
4.I’m extremely forgetful.
I literally forget everything. Thank God for giving someone the idea of inventing sticky notes and planners. Although lately, those aren’t even helping. Doctor appointments? Thank goodness for those phone call reminders. What I told someone yesterday or 10 minutes ago? Couldn’t tell you. Where I put my registration card? Don’t remember that either. I’ve even forgotten my pin number to my debit card. I was at the gas pump and it asked for my number so I typed it in (or thought I did) and well the rest is history. I can’t even tell you how long it took me to finally remember what it was but it just came to me while I was checking out at the grocery store one day.
5.I’m scared of the dark and even more terrified of storms.
I am 27 and afraid of the dark. I won’t even go outside in the dark alone. If I have to come home in the dark, I’m absolutely petrified and my anxiety is at an all time high. Add in a storm at night and you can catch me snuggled up to my husband watching the radar until it passes and constantly asking how much longer or how severe it is. Last year while I was at work (I am a teacher), there was a tornado watch. No big deal but since I’m in one of the classrooms at the end of the hall it’s my job to help keep an eye out. That tornado watch turned into warnings all around our area so naturally my coworkers and I had our phones with us when it was time for lunch. All of a sudden we were in that tornado warning and shoving students into safe rooms. Once they were all tuckered down, of course the adults were keeping watch and trying to keep the students calm. I was in such a panic that when a coworker came to the door and looked at me she said I needed to get out and go sit down. THAT was the worst panic attack I’ve ever had. Luckily nothing touched down around us but I can say it scarred me for life. I also thank God that nothing did happen that day.
There you have it. 5 things people typically don’t know about me and wouldn’t know if it weren’t for this post. After all, these definitely are not things you’d bring up in conversation.